Dear Diary...
So as you don't know all the bits and bobs about me yet i thought I would start to tell you about the voices what they are who they are, what they do and just how I react to them.
So the first voice is a male voice and this is the one i have been hearing since I was little. Like i said before it is male and horribly sarcastic and neurotic. I have some indication to when this voice is about to come as i get all agitated and tense up and my mind feels like everything is being jammed in and then i get quite upset as now i know whats about to happen. This voice is a voice that feeds of what you are saying (it would take what you re saying and turn it against you) and i doubt you would get it but I'm not expecting you to. This voice brings upon a wide variety of emotions i can become very upset and depressed or on some rare occasions enlightened as some times i can have conversations with it. Just like people both the voices i hear have mood swings and you can tell it in the tone of there voice - but this voice is more negative and mad then any think else.
The second voice is a female and quite simply this voice just calls out to me. Some times to come finder her (more playfully mode) or allot of the times just screams out in pain as like someone is torturing her and she is crying out to be rescued.
The above are the two main voices i hear, but some times i do hear others but I'm not going to go into that now.
Dear diary...
well so today I have decided to write in you and all though I have tried many times before I believe this one will be successful. Due to me being dyslexic writing is not my strong point, and even though I have great ideas I find it hard to put it down on paper so that’s why I have chose a blog.
So Diary (I really need to think of a name for you) I bet you are wondering why I am writing in you and well its more straight forward then actual I thought - it’s my own little withdraw, my own little safe zone, a book that wont judge.
so now I bet you are wondering the reason behind me starting to write and so here goes... ever since I was young I heard voices and not the sort that you here from your mate in the play ground or the sort you hear on the radio, no these voices where coming from inside me and no one else could hear them. At that age you don’t really realise that you are different or need to seek help for this problem as to you its jut normal, to you it happens a few times a week but to you its tortures. As well as these voices I had family problems and even though the abuse was not turned on me (well at least not at that age) I could still see and hear all what was going on between my dad and my step brother.
Now being older the problems have not stopped but just changed a little the voices are still there but with just a little bit of paranoia and anxiety and self esteem issues thrown in and now my brothers moved out so the tension is between my dad and my mum and me, but I have also gained a new problem I am a self harmer...